TUESDAY, MAY 14, 2024
I hate cliché phrases, especially in songwriting. So using “Where has the time gone?” as a title for this post made me cringe. I suppose I could've gotten more creative, but as usual, I'm in a time crunch.
So, another cliché is applicable here: “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” That one I like, though. It doesn't get used a lot, at least not in my circles. As a matter of fact, other than my friend/sometimes guitar player Gerry, I think I'm the only one that says it.
My good intentions were to write a blog for every Friday. That's kind of a big ask for a guy that performs 3-5 times a week, is a dad of a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old, has the general family obligations of husband/partner, has aging parents, and a whole host of other weekly tasks. Sometimes my ambitions get ahead of my reality. I always think of it as a good thing, as I'm less apt to be lazy. But truthfully, I'm more apt to be tired as I'm virtually always doing something.
A lot has happened since my last entry in January. My dog of 12 years (who was 13 years old) was diagnosed with osteosarcoma (bone cancer) in February. It is an aggressive form of cancer, and unfortunately it brought him to the point where we had to help him out of this world and into the next on March 7th. I'm getting choked up as I type this. Then my mother, my father, and my wife all ran into some health issues, causing more stress and anxiety. And don't get me wrong… I'm FULLY aware that things could always be worse. It didn't minimize what I've been dealing with, however. The feelings of doom, unease, sadness, and more were very real. Often times I've had to “fake a smile” (to quote a line from my song ‘Everything Is Wrong’) over the past few months when dealing with the public. It's been a long time since I've felt so low. It's not a good place to be.
It's now mid-May, and things have improved. Chalk it up to another cliché: “Time heals all…” There's some truth to it. I'm not fully healed, but I'm feeling a lot better than I was in March. Time has certainly helped me gain perspective, move past a lot of crippling sadness, and given me space (in my head) to work. As crazy as it sounds - and perhaps you might agree - those painful, challenging times actually make us stronger. And for me, gives me some real-world experience to write about. I suppose you might say that sometimes it all comes full circle.
Just before Jasper got the osteosarcoma diagnosis, I was fiddling around with a song idea, beginning with the line: “Ain't it funny how we want to be left alone, then we cry for home when the loneliness sets in.” Going through the experience with Jasper helped me finish the song, and one of the most poignant lines in it (for me, anyway) is this line: “A season change is coming and I'm asking for more time.” When you know something is about to change, but you want just a few more moments in the environment you're in, so you can etch the emotions, the joy, the experience in your brain. That's what that line is for me. All the while, without even noticing, time has been moving along, even though it doesn't feel long enough.
Where has the time gone? Isn't it still here? It's like that joke… how does it go???… What stands still but keeps moving… a clock… time? Something like that. I'm going to try much harder now that a difficult season of life has passed. I have that new song, “We're Only” coming out May 24th, and I continue to write more songs. I have a lot more blog ideas, too. Of course shows, the podcast, yadda, yadda…
Enjoy your day! Enjoy your time!
Love, -Seth
Rest in peace, Jasper. I miss you and love you, buddy.